| Near or Far |
[01 Dec 2009|06:16pm] |
"Just take a breath... right. Okay. Let it out, and again."
...
"Any better?"
A bit.
"So what's the problem?"
A bunch of things, I guess. Just a bunch of things all coming together. I worry, and when I worry, it all snowballs, and when it snowballs...
"Yes?"
It just keeps snowballing.
"That's natural. Sometimes when we ideate on negativity, it tends to grow beyond our ability to control it."
...
"..."
Isn't that an oxymoron?
"Excuse me?"
'Ideate' on 'negativity.'
"I suppose you could see it that way, but the connotation of 'ideate' isn't necessarily positive."
...
"So what I want you to do is to step back and just take everything in, but just surface-wise. Don't think too hard on things, just think about the big picture."
Okay.
"The danger we have--people like us--is to look too deeply into the things that are bothering us. Sometimes, what we need is a way to sort of impersonalize our issues. Once we're able to take that metaphorical step back, we can get clarity."
...I understand, right.
"So imagine yourself, sitting outside of yourself, and imagine the issues that you're having as if you were talking with yourself. What do you see?"
I guess that I see my problems aren't that big, and when I look at them in digestible chunks, and when I take my feelings out of the picture, I'm able to be more objective.
"Good, that's great. Objectivity is good, in this situation. What else do you see?"
...I think I see that what I need to do is to... just not immerse myself too much into some things, get myself motivated to do others, and generally... well. I guess I generally need to just stop taking on so much.
"Is that really what you feel?"
Kind of.
"..."
Well, what I guess it is, is that I need to come to grips with the fact that beating myself up over things I've done isn't the way to move forward.
"Good, good."
And I think that what I also need to do is to take things one step at a time.
"Right, also good."
...just one step?
"For now. Small goals, remember?"
Yeah, small goals.
|
|
| Again |
[08 Nov 2009|12:03am] |
"See, this is the problem. You're feeding yourself with all this fantasy crap, eating it all up, wanting to just be able to wish everything away... like you could just wish things to go away, and they all would. You're poisoning yourself, and what's sick about it is that you keep eating it up."
...
"It's all the same, isn't it? All the same themes? Look, here: in this one, you're running away, and in this one, you're magically confronting everything and making everything better. You know what you need? You need to just up and look at the problems instead of trying to put band-aids over everything."
...
"You keep sitting here and thinking and just wanting things to be better, but you're not doing anything about it."
...
"Doesn't that bother you?"
...
"You're better than this, don't you see? You can find the problems and solve them. You can be-"
|
|
| Old Roads |
[28 Jun 2009|05:42am] |
"Hey... hey!"
Wha- oh, hey. Didn't expect to see you here again.
"Uh... yeah. Me either."
...so?
"Um, yeah. So I need a bit to hold me over-"
This again?
"Yeah, just a little, you see, and you know I'm good for it."
I thought you quit?
"I did. Really. It's not like-"
Last time?
"Yeah. It's not, really. Come on, man. Just a little? A little?"
I don't know. This really isn't what I signed up-
"Come on, man. Just a little!"
...
"Come on-"
Okay, okay. Fine.
"Oh, thanks, man. Really, you're th-"
Shut it. Don't give me that crap. I don't want to hear it.
|
|
| Contracts |
[17 Jun 2009|01:40pm] |
"That's not normal."
'Normative.' It's not 'normative.'
"No, 'normal.' I meant 'normal.'"
But 'normal' is necessarily subjective. You're saying that it's not like what you expect to see around you, so it's not 'normative.' You see, it's perfectly 'normal' for them.
"So to me, it's not 'normal.'"
In your worldview, but since you're aware of the difference, you should be referring to it in a sense which indicates that you understand the difference.
"..."
I'm just saying that-
"You are such an ass when you're being pedantic."
|
|
| Goals |
[20 Apr 2009|02:05am] |
"That's it?"
Yeah, that's it.
"No tricks?"
Nope, no tricks. Just get from here to there, and you're done. No more. That's it.
"But what if you're not telling the truth?"
I am telling you the truth.
"...are you really?"
Yes, really. Really.
"So I just go there, and I won't have to worry about-"
Nothing. It'll all be over, and that'll be it. You don't have to come back here unless you want to. Really, that's it.
"I need to think about this."
...
"No, it's just that... I need to think about this."
Fine, whatever.
"..."
Take however long you need.
|
|
| Baby Steps |
[07 Mar 2009|10:52pm] |
"You know, this isn't really what I had in mind."
I know.
"I'm not saying that it's bad, just that it wasn't what I was expecting."
Yeah, I understand. No hard feelings.
"How long do we keep this up?"
As long as we can, I guess. We just keep on keeping on, and eventually... hopefully... maybe, this won't be necessary later.
"Any idea when that'll be?"
Not in the foreseeable future. It just doesn't work like that.
"I guess I already knew that."
Are you still in?
"Yeah."
So we're good?
"Yeah, we're good."
|
|
| Stalemate |
[05 Nov 2008|10:47am] |
"So."
So.
"Looks like Prop 8 is going to pass."
Yeah, and it looks like McCain didn't get elected to office.
"There are still votes left to be counted."
3.7 million votes, all for McCain, are still left to be counted... and those votes will be enough to turn all those electoral-
"Okay, fine, maybe not. But at least we're preserving marriage."
You call it "preserving marriage," I call it "separate but equal." What's next, preventing mixed races from marrying? Oh wait, that's already been shot down. I just hope that the Supreme Court sees some sense and knocks-
"Like what they did before? The people want marriage to be pure, and the courts ought to respect that."
The job of the courts is to interpret the law, and if they deem the measure unconstitutional--and I sincerely hope they do--then they ought to strike it down.
"We elected these judges to uphold what's right!"
They're elected to interpret the law. Big difference.
"What's your damage, anyway? It's not like you're gay."
No, but I see it as an issue of civil rights.
"Now wait a secon-"
Hear me out, please. Civil rights. You've got these people who have been oppressed and beaten down for whatever reason--people think they're "evil" or "less than human" or whatever, and that's enough of an excuse to leave these people out of the loop. So now we've got these people who want to get married--married--because that's what the law recognizes. Sure, we've got civil unions, which "are the same" as marriage, but they're not, so we're in a place where we've got separate-but-equal. We did away with that a long time ago, with with good reason. Plessy v. Ferguson was-
"That's race, and marriage is a religious term. We don't have signs on water fountains that say straight only or gay only; it's not even analogous."
I disagree, on the grounds that these people aren't receiving their due rights as people, which is what the whole separate but equal thing is about. I think the whole race/sexuality issue is analogous, and because it is, we need to abolish the whole idea of government regulating, validating, or otherwise endorsing this whole idea of "marriage." Let people be "married" if their churches allow it, but leave the government's business in the realm of civil unions.
"..."
...
"I could go for that."
I could, too. I think-
"But hold on a second. The whole idea of Prop 8 runs deeper than that. What we're looking at is what marriage represents to people. Why does the government regulate it? It's because it's good for the town, city, state, nation: making babies is good, and the government regulates marriage so as to give perks to those who marry and have children. What we-"
And those who marry but never have children?
"Please, let me finish; I'm getting to that. The government gives us tax breaks and perks because in general, when people get married they tend to bear children. It is undoubtedly natural for men and women to bear and rear children. This isn't to say that gays and lesbians and sterile people or whatever can't, it's to say that the intent of marriage in government has always been to preserve the most ideal situation for the people. Heterosexual marriages promote the ideal norm, and as such, the government should be in the business of promoting that."
Wow.
"What?"
That's a really dangerous line you're treading there.
"Can't argue nature."
...
"..."
I suppose not... I suppose not.
|
|
| Breathe with Me |
[13 Aug 2008|11:15pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fuel - "Bad Day" |
] |
"What'll it be?"
Scotch on the rocks, please.
"Big man."
...
"Here you-"
Could you make it a double?
"...sure, boss. Whatever you want."
...
"Here you go."
Thanks.
"How about I keep a tab open for you?"
That'll do, thanks.
"No prob, boss. Just holler."
...
|
|
| Ponder |
[24 Jul 2008|04:14am] |
"Awfully late, isn't it?"
For some people, sure.
"Who rankled your panties?"
No one. I'm just tired. Don't feel like talking.
"You'll have to do better than that."
Whatever. I'm done with you.
"And that's it?"
...
"You're no fun when you're sour-faced."
...
|
|
| It's Colder Than It Should Be |
[09 Jun 2008|03:15am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Alison Krauss & John Waite - "Missing You" |
] |
"Hey."
Hey.
"I didn't expect to see you here."
I know. To be honest, I didn't really-
"It's okay. You don't have to say it."
Okay.
"...so how are things? How's life?"
Good. Life's good. Work's good. You know how it is.
"Not really, but yeah. I know what you mean."
Sorry.
"No, no. It's not like that. I'm just-"
Don't worry about it.
"Thanks."
Hey, since you're here, why don't we go get something to eat, catch up? I know this great place-
"I can't."
Oh.
"No, it's not that. It's that I've... already got plans. I'm meeting-"
Don't worry about it. It's cool. It was just an idea.
"...thank you."
No problem.
"..."
...
"...hey, wait. Let's catch up sometime?"
Yeah, let's do that.
"See you around?"
You know it.
|
|
| Streaky Mirrors |
[12 Apr 2008|01:04am] |
"What're you doing here?"
Revisiting old places. Old memories. That sort of thing.
"This looks old. When'd you read this?"
I dunno. Months? Years ago? It all runs together nowadays.
"Time does that."
Yeah.
|
|
| Conjecture |
[29 Mar 2008|03:39pm] |
"Okay, this one's good. Four for $10."
So that's...
"$2.50 each."
Plus tax.
"Yeah."
So we could say like $2.75 or so each?
"Yeah."
Do you ever think that we're doing something wrong with min-maxing everything?
"Well, it's rational."
Yeah, I guess so.
"What's on your mind?"
I wonder if we'd do better with kids if we taught them all the cool shit that we know, since... well, I hated math.
"I know. It wasn't my strongest subject, either."
But it's cool.
"To you."
Now, yeah.
|
|
| Ennui |
[21 Mar 2008|03:22am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sitting on the dock of the bay... |
] |
"-and we're done."
Really?
"Well, no. Not really. Just done for now."
And you'll get back to this-
"Tomorrow, probably soon after midnight."
And you do this-
"Every day, more or less. Sometimes I forget, but I always come back to it."
When'll you be done?
"I don't know. You can't really predict these things. They work on their own timeline, really."
Forgive me if I don't share your enthusiasm.
"No, no. Don't worry about it. I know it's not for everyone."
What's it like?
"What's what like?"
Not getting bored.
"Why do you think I'm not bored?"
Because you do this every day.
"And?"
I guess you wouldn't do it if you didn't want to.
"Right."
So if you want to do it, you're not bored of it...
"..."
Are you?
|
|
| Once More |
[14 Mar 2008|11:45pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Ride, captain, ride, upon your mystery ship..." |
] |
"Fancy seeing you here."
Indeed. It's been a while.
"So what happened?"
How do you mean?
"I thought you were still dealing with your shit. Did you take care of it?"
...well enough.
"I suppose well enough will be plent-"
Don't patronize me, asshole.
"..."
I don't need your shit.
"So you don't, so you don't. Regardless of the circumstances, it's good to have you back."
Don't pull my leg.
"I'm not. It's not been the same since you've been away."
...
"So, let's get to it. Lots of work to be done, and not nearly enough time to do it all."
...fine. Let's do this.
|
|
| Dissonance |
[31 Oct 2007|10:15am] |
"He's a terrorist. Clearly."
He's just doing what any oppressed person would do in his position.
"Being oppressed over what? He's saving animals!"
Yes, and he believes that life is sacred, so he saves them. Just because the animals can't express to us that they're not oppressed doesn't mean that they're not oppressed.
"Oh, so now we're anthropomorphizing animals? He refuses to go through the normal channels for this stuff, so he takes it into his own hands. Vigilante justice isn't the way to go here."
When the government doesn't respond to the people, the people should take matters into their own hands.
"It's not his job to represent everyone. I, for one, don't give a shit about how people treat their animals. They're property, and I'll use my horse or cow or chicken as I see fit."
Apathy like yours is scary. You should care about how other people treat their animals; how can you live with yourself knowing that the shampoo you're using was tested on defenseless lab rats? Don't you care that innocent animals are being tortured to make the products you use?
"Better animals than people. What, you want them to use criminals or volunteers? What if they get killed or hurt somehow? Why aren't you concerned about that?"
Better that we don't do any kind of testing which requires testing on living beings. It's sufficient for us to see that there aren't any strange interactions. We don't need animal testing; it just expedites the testing process.
"So what you're saying is that you're willing to impede progress for some specious ethical concerns? How about all the workers whose time you'll waste, all that extra red tape you're going to introduce as a result of that? Are you prepared to take responsibility for all that?"
One shouldn't pick and choose how he follows his ideals.
-Steve
|
|
| Leadfoot |
[30 Oct 2007|05:24pm] |
"Wait, wait-"
What?
"Just wait, I don't think- ow, fucking stop it!"
Fucking jeez, what?
"I don't think this is working."
...
"It's not you, it's-"
You can leave now.
-Steve
|
|
| Mull |
[29 Oct 2007|02:35pm] |
"You don't seem to be yourself lately."
I guess not. Just been doing a lot of thinking.
"What about?"
Nothing.
"Nothing?"
Okay, not nothing. Just about what I need to do to get going again. I want to pick myself up and start moving. I feel like I haven't been moving.
"What do you want to do?"
I don't know.
"So what does this mean?"
I don't know. All I know is that I want to start moving again.
-Steve
|
|
| Cynicism |
[23 Oct 2007|03:44pm] |
"What's that you've got there?"
Just something to read. A story.
"What's it about?"
Some kids. They do their thing, fuck around, live their lives. It's depressing, kinda. They do their stuff, go home, get drunk, whatever... and that's all. Nothing to look forward to, just kind of sitting there in some perpetual pseudo-infantile state.
"Now that's irony."
Excuse me?
"It's not we do anything differently."
...I guess not.
-Steve
P.S. - Peanuts, by Charles Bukowski
|
|
| Getting Goats |
[22 Oct 2007|09:59am] |
"So what're you going to do about it?"
Bide my time, get my affairs in order, learn some new skills, then start fresh in a few months. We'll see where it takes me.
"Why so long?"
Because now's not a good time. We've got stuff to get in order, and at least one of us should have stable income.
"What do you want to do?"
Something different, maybe something more removed from the rote left-brain shit I'm doing right now. Writing? Editing? Ranting? I don't know. I just know that I want something different.
"It sounds like a good idea to me."
Yeah. You know what really kills me?
"What's that?"
No incentive. I just feel like I'm rolling boulders.
"That's not a good feeling."
No, it isn't.
-Steve
|
|
| Watching the Surf |
[02 Oct 2007|05:07pm] |
"How does it feel?"
Relaxed. Like a great weight's been lifted.
"I'm glad to hear."
It's like starting out a race, walking a bit, running a good part of it, stopping, then rushing toward the goal. You kinda wish that you'd run the whole way through, but there's still that flush of pleasure at having actually finished.
"Mm."
It's just nice. Being here, I mean.
"So what happens now?"
Now?
"Yeah. Now that everything's over, now that you're done."
Right. I guess we are... well, not quite.
"No?"
Still a few more things to take care of.
"No more stress, I hope?"
...no, not nearly as much.
-Steve
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